Number 8 in the Sky, Number 1 in No Hearts

The first time I saw her, time stopped;
A year became one hundred and sixty four.
Named her “Neptune” right at the door.
Not “Neptune” because her eyes are blue.
“Neptune” because she feels like blue,
cause she feels larger than Earth in every way,
because she feels like sixty thousand days.

Yes, Neptune is two billion miles away,
but at night I can’t help feeling close to her
and if I close my eyes I feel close and more.
Neptune is a night person just like me.
It’s nice to have a person up with me.
Before we met I had no trouble going to bed.
Now, it’s hard to sleep cause she’s in my head.

Ten AM: she tells me to stay in bed.
Apparently today’s not worth the fight.
I listen cause she just might be right.
I call her Neptune cause she feels like blue.
Most days Neptune makes me feel more blue.
Something about her keeps me thinking.
These thoughts force me to keep sinking.

Thought Neptune was sweet, wasn’t thinking.
She fits biting remarks inside sweet nothings.
I threaten to leave but she knows I’m bluffing.
Neptune’s gravity drags me down to Earth.
Neptune’s not even very down to Earth.
How could she be with her smile and mass?
All teeth, and knives, and broken glass?

Neptune’s the opiate and I’m the mass.
Enough time with her, content settles in.
Spend too much time, blue start to win.
You know, before her, the sky was all blue.
Cliché but now, it’s grey. She’s all that’s blue.
Now, all I am is the girl who’s with Neptune.
What happened to the girl who loved June?

How do you remember before Neptune?
After awhile, she becomes all you’ve known.
You start to think life is all blue monochrome.
Maybe this is what everyday is supposed to be.
Maybe I’m healthy girl playing sick wannabe.
It’s quite easy to mistake Neptune for Earth.
Both called Blue Planet, for what it’s worth.

But Neptune’s a little worse than Earth.
Earth tints shades of blue on every one of us.
We’ve all worn violet tinted glasses, don’t fuss.
After a brush with Earth, we all get blue.
Don’t worry it goes away soon, that blue.
It’s true. Neptune and Earth: easy to confuse.
All call her Neptune, exaggerate Earth’s abuse.

But I know she’s Neptune. I’m not confused.
No mistaking the way she’s always right there;
I can’t forget the reality of our love affair.
No one else can stop time like she does.
Who else could stretch days like she does?
With her, a day or week’s hard to get through.
Especially when she makes weeks so blue.

I try to leave her but I can’t see it through.
Who was I before Neptune came along?
Was I a little taller? Little more headstrong?
Who am I if not painted head to toe blue?
What’ll you see without head to toe blue?
Will anyone recognize me, save Neptune?
Will it feel lonely without her ring of moons?

They say no one really heals from Neptune.
That there’ll always be a part of her with you.
Under nails or on clothes you’ll find blue.
Some people fall back together with her.
No one tries to stay very long with her.
It’s alright if she left and left a few scars.
Andromeda was made from blown up stars.

Jason Carney