Taylor D.

Love is just an Excuse

you told me i was One in 7 Billion. 

a very own Special Type of girl you loved, and no one else was like me. 

except for her.

and the One after that. 

and the One after that.

 

i was never really the one for you.

i was just a pawn in the Messed Up game of chess you called life. 

a game you always lost, but were never a Sore Loser for long. 

you always found someone else to help numb the pain of being a Terrible Person.

 

and sometimes that person was me. 

 

i  thought you had Changed. 

or maybe i didn’t. i loved the thought of Being With You,

or maybe it was the thought of not Being So Alone.

 

i Craved you. 

not the Love or Affection. 

i craved your presence. 

 

someone who texted me because they were Bored,

and that’s what Couples do, right? Right?

 

so i dust myself off

and get ready to Take Back Your Heart.

or at least your Spare Time.

 

But were we ever really a Couple? 

i don’t think so.

Couples do cute stuff.

they stay up late on the phone with each other because they don’t want to go to Sleep without Hearing the others Voice.

Couples say ‘iloveyou’ and Mean It.

Couples don’t leave you on Opened for days at a time. 

Couples don’t Stare at other girls when you walk down the Street together.

 

Couples don’t only want you for Sex. 

Couples don’t shove their Hands into your Pants and tell you to ‘keepquiet’ because the way you say ‘nopleasedont’ is too Hot for you for them to not want you Right Then and There.  

 

Couples don’t Rape, right?

 i’m pretty sure Couples don’t do that. 

 

so We could never Really call ourselves a Couple. 

i could never Really call you my Boyfriend. 

hell, i couldn’t even call you a Man. 

 

i can’t begin to Fathom the things i couldn’t Call you.

but i can Fathom my Hate for you.

 

 

and for your Father.

who taught you that if a Woman didn’t do as if you said the First Time,

Hit her and see if she gets it the Second.

 

 

and for your Mother.

who taught you that a Woman's place is in the Kitchen

and not on the Battlefield.

 

i Hate Me.

 

for teaching you that if a Woman says ‘nopleasedont’ and means it,

it Obviously means Yes.

 

 

i Hate Me for Trusting you. 

 

 

you made it So Hard to Trust anyone now. 

 

you, Me, Men, Women.

 

anything and Everything.

 

i can’t Trust you not to leave more Scars on my Body than you Already did. 

Bruns from your Hands. 

Fire from your Lips. 

Cuts from your Arms.

Slashes from your Legs.

and the Biggest, Ugliest Scar anyone has ever seen on my Heart and on my Mind.

 

and while you told me i was One in 7 Billion

 

You made me Feel like i was six Feet Below the earth.

Jason Carney