Veronica Bool

Who I am
You ask me to tell you who I am and where I come from
But the words would leave you speechless
You'll be speechless if I told you
I come from a father who is deceased due to a gun shot wound to the head by his own hands
And a mother who's daily life consist of prescribed medication mixed with her own prescriptions of bottles and powders. funny colored pills and marijuana
I come from a
Good night daddy responded with a go to bed or I'll beat you 'till you bleed
Holding those words so close to me i never let go knowing there's people out there who could be mean
I come from being on knees scrubbing until its all clean being told it runs in my genes
Being in a corner so long the wall became my friend and provided abundance to me
Sitting on the living room couch holding my brothers close to me being an eye witness to a supposed to be father fist pound on the woman i called mother
I come from a place where my life has been in blue and black ink no erases and no end
I come from a mother running from sorrow and talking with a bull horn hoping someone anyone would hear
I come from a mother who got what she insisted she had and ran because she got the wrong order because when they came knocking They wore fine pressed linen with black brief cases
Leaving notes on the front door of what one would call a home
I come from being a front row witness of molestation keeping my head low and not being able to bear my own reflection
I come from witnessing abuse first hand as the one I called mom lost herself to herself
Throwing fist. pounding through walls teaching me to fly in the most unfashionable matter.
I come from a first suicide attemp of 1st grade standing in the stalls jumping to hang from a wall saved by the clothe that ripped and let me fall
I come from watching my mother collapse to her knees crying histerically when the woman she called mother took those funny colored pills and drowned in them all
Then I decided I didn't want to be like them I would make my own life
After that I still came from feeling the sting of a slap that made my head bounce of the walls and hearing bones crack and not accepting any of it at all
I come from a place of being different at age 12 when i decided happily ever after didn't need to be between a man and a lady because we are all human
She says she loves me but Doesn't she know when she said she failed at being a mother I failed at being a daughter
I come from a place where there's just no way this life can be me
So I come from a family of inappropriate relationships happening in front of my glance
They didnt know i knew their games
They sure as hell didn't know I played
Skipping over to the people in a room asking questions to get the truth
I come from being labeled a big mouth lier even though I told the truth
I was the innocent held captive by words not of wisdom but hatred jealousy and confusion
I come from waking at 4am to see the person that looked like me lay lifeless on the floor
Wake up I yelled but there was no response and being greatful because in a week he was healed and now stands tall
See but these words written aren't just for me because people out there have been here too
I had my turn
I had my turn at purple bruises and holding a battered heart
I played tick tack toe with a blade letting my blood flow
I swallowed those funny colored pills
I skipped meals
I drank the alcohol and wasted all that that time learning to fall when I could have stood and learned to be strong
Now I carry it all on my back in a sack pretending to be Santa clause smiling at the passer bys but crying in the night
I come from people in suits taking my brothers because I spoke the truth
I come from a new home getting used to hugs and smiles being told thank you and knowing what patience is
I come from a world that is silent because people will judge if I speak out so I take what I have and put duck tape over my mouth

 

Jason Carney